I love Morgan Farley’s piece in Transforming Terror. I found her poignant description of 9/11 victims especially moving, “It is possible to stay humanly connected, and inwardly free, in the face of terror beyond imagining, terror far more grievous than my own” (p. 188). It seems that this compassion within terror that these people displayed for one another, prompted her to foster this type of compassion for herself. Her personal journey reminded me of something Jentz described—that going into the dark can save you (p. 185). Farley wrote so eloquently about this process. I too have spent some time coddling my inner child. One of Farley’s most beautiful descriptions said, “She would knit me into the felt truth of that time and thereby knit me back into my own skin” (p. 190). I love the idea that our adult selves can journey back to comfort our child selves in an experience where the actual adults in our lives betrayed us. The notion that we can have the power to be the adult for ourselves, even after the fact, is truly empowering.

I also identified with Farley’s realization, “I held my head in my hands and wept. That was the balm for her wounds, the rescue she had been waiting for—someone willing to feel and suffer with her at this depth, to weep for her and hold her close” (p. 190). For me this also speaks to the idea that in the end we must be able to rely upon ourselves. There is something to be said for filling our lives with people that we can lean on for support, but ultimately there is so much power in knowing how to be there for yourself. In the end we’re all human, and this means that the people we love have the capacity to betray us and disappoint us in any variety of ways—even when it’s not their intention. I feel like knowing how to take care of ourselves when we’re hurt—and being confident in our ability to do so—lends a certain kind of freedom to our intimate relationships. It takes the pressure off of the other person to be that ultimate source of stability. We have the power to be that for ourselves.

Farley’s realization on page 191 also resonated with me; “I thought I was saving her, but it is she who is saving me…I am no longer divided against myself.” When we can approach our lives with all parts of ourselves participating, I feel we are truly unstoppable. “I rock in the small boat of my deliverance. The ocean I rest on is deep and still. Its touch is tenderness itself” (p.192). When we get to this place fear loses its grip on us. We are free.